I am 50 years old, actually, almost 51. I was born with a uterus that, up until about ten years ago, did what it was supposed to do. Granted, we have had our spells of contention, such as the adolescent years when we were both trying to figure out how to behave. But for the most part my uterus was a trustworthy organ, in a harmonious partnership with me and my body.
My uterus didn’t give me many problems for most of my life. In fact, I didn’t even know she existed until she was called to active duty when I was about 12 years old. Like I mentioned, that was not a smooth transition. Hormones were already causing all kinds of eruptions at that point. So the introduction of a monthly period just added to the chaos. I don’t think my uterus was sure of what was expected of her then. She didn’t really understand the frequency, length, or amount of force she should show during her tours of duty then. You know teenagers. They can be quite dramatic; always looking for attention, good or bad, attention is attention.
She soon found her footing and then she was completely professional. She was always on time, like clockwork really. She never scared me by showing up late. She never stayed too long. She had finally figured out when enough was enough.
Then her glory years arrived; she really showed off her competency and efficiency. She bore our family four children. She actually turned into a bit of a show off. Our first child was born on her due date. How often does that happen? Like I said, she was always punctual and my labor and delivery lasted just seven hours. Our second child was born 19 days early and labor and delivery lasted five hours. Our third child was early with a short labor and delivery also. But by the time our fourth came along I think my ADD had perhaps rubbed off on her. Our fourth child was delivered by emergency c-section ten weeks prematurely. Of course, that was because of placenta previa, when the placenta attaches to the uterus in such a way that it covers the cervix. This, in turn, caused hemorrhaging as the baby became larger and pressure on the cervix increased. I’m sure if my uterus were here to defend herself, she’d say that was not her fault. But my OB/GYN said it may have occurred because of my uterus carrying multiple babies over time. The stretching of the uterus over numerous occasions may have caused a less than smooth surface for the embryo to attach itself to. Again, my uterus is not here to defend herself so we’ll leave that up to speculation. But that was the end of our childbearing regardless.
For years after the birth of our last child I didn’t have any complaints about my uterus. Life and time marched forward like a regularly scheduled program. Then, all of a sudden, it was like my uterus wasn’t receiving the attention or notoriety she felt she deserved. Maybe it was that or maybe dementia started setting in. We may never really know. She wasn’t the greatest communicator. Whatever the issue was, she began acting out: not showing up on time, sometimes not showing up at all for months. Then, when she did show up, she was all over the place! Sometimes hanging around for days and days, or sometimes showing up several times in one month. And when she did show up, it was with a vengeance! She was full of anger and fury. My doctor tried to figure out what the problem was. At one point she removed one of my ovaries thinking that ovary was what was pissing off my uterus… She was wrong.
For years I tried to convince my doctor that the humane thing to do would be to remove my uterus and put her out of her misery. Even after my annual Pap smear results were coming back abnormal. Then I’d have to go in and have biopsies done. Of course, they always came back fine, no cancer found. Finally, a new doctor was added to the practice. My last Pap’s results came back, you guessed it, abnormal. When I went in for the biopsy I said, ”Why can’t we just remove the old girl? I don’t really need a uterus anymore.”
Shockingly, my new doctor said, ”We can do that. We still need to do this biopsy. But once the results come back, we can remove your uterus.”
“Wait. What? Really?!?”
Really! I was ecstatic. After ten years of dealing with uterine dementia and psychosis I was going to be rid of her!
It wasn’t until the week before surgery that I started to fondly reminisce about everything my uterus and I had been through. She served me well. She helped me bring my four children into this world, the most important and special accomplishments in my life. So I’d like to express my sincere appreciation for the years of outstanding service. I am so grateful for her professionalism and assistance in delivering our children safely. I could never have done it without you, my wondrous uterus. But you have completed your service and completed it successfully. It’s time to release you from your position and celebrate your “retirement”. Thank you and adieu. Rest well my rickety friend.
Moonsister 