Laughing Through Tears

Oxymoron (noun) – 1. A combination of contradictory or incongruous words (such as cruel kindness). 2. Something that is made up of contradictory or incongruous elements.

This week was full of the oxymoronic. My beautiful daughter, who is 17 months younger than Roxanne, got married. Nadine, I’m sure, is and has been full of conflicted emotions. As am I. We thought it would be a good thing to move forward with the wedding to give us something to look forward to, a true celebration of love and joy. Roxanne was to have been her matron of honor. Actually, she was sharing the roll with my “red headed step daughter” Bridgitte. But Roxanne said she didn’t want to be matron of honor so Bridgitte could have that title and she’d stick with maid of honor. I tried explaining that’s not really the way it works. If you’re married you’re called a matron of honor and if you’re unmarried you’re called maid of honor. But Roxanne said in her sharp witted form that she didn’t care, she was not going to be called the “matron” of anything.

Planning a wedding is never easy, even under normal circumstances. It’s usually a process full of stress and uncertainty. But when your family business is an event and floral design company run by yourself, your “adopted” red headed daughter and your two daughters, and one daughter passes away just two months prior to the other daughter’s wedding, planning this wedding becomes a task like something you might expect down Alice’s rabbit hole. You’re not sure which way to go and nothing makes sense. You find yourself forgetting what you were just searching for, you’re sending people to paint the roses red, and start shouting “Off with your head!” You may start questioning your own sanity! “What was I thinking? How did we think we were going to be able to do this now?” I’m not sure how we got through it, honestly. All of the people who planned this wedding are people who have been affected so emotionally by the loss of Roxanne: mother, sister, best friend. But Bridgitte really pulled it together and I’m not sure it would have happened had she not been able to keep her whits about her more than the rest of us. Plus, she came up with the bright idea of hiring freelancers to help us out, which was brilliant. I reeeeeaaaally don’t think we could have pulled it off without them, because this was a complicated event. There were a lot of moving parts: a million different vendors, a historic church that needed renovations in order to be able to hold the ceremony there, a whole tent palace erected in the yard, a thousand floral structures to be fabricated, and then the first snow of the season the day of the wedding. But somehow we managed to pull off a pretty incredible wedding, if I do say so myself. Nadine and my new son in law Nick are blissful newlyweds and are so happy and proud of the way the wedding turned out. And this, in turn makes me happy and proud, as well. Now I’m going to try to decompress for a couple of days… or maybe a month.

I did manage to write and give a toast. So here’s to Nadine and Nick:

I’d like to start off by thanking you all for joining us as we celebrate the marriage of Nadine and Nick. As you all know, this has not been a good year for our family. Which is part of the reason we felt it was important to have something to celebrate, some cause for joy, as we close out this year. This marriage has given us that opportunity. So thank you all for celebrating with us.

Nadine is my second born. Her sister, Roxanne, was the first. I’ve said various times that Roxanne was the first to teach me so many lessons in this life. But Nadine has been the first to teach me plenty of lessons, as well. Nadine was the first to teach me the boundlessness of love. I remember when I was pregnant with Nadine, my hormones were whacky, and I was crying to Keith. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to love another child as much as I loved Roxanne. Keith just laughed and told me I was silly. But I carried that fear until the moment she was born… and that was all it took. The second I laid my eyes on her and held her in my arms, I never again questioned the inexhaustibility of love. There will always be room for more love. Thank you Nadine for teaching me that lesson. I wish more of the world would also learn that lesson.

Nadine was also the more quiet sister. She didn’t start talking until she was almost two, mostly because Roxanne would speak for her. Nadine would also tend to communicate through actions more so than words a lot of the time. For example, one time when she was a toddler, her grandmother, Deloris, and I took the girls to the Fairfax County Fair. We had to park in outer Mongolia and take a shuttle bus to the actual fairgrounds. It was a blistering day and the girls were in strollers. Nadine didn’t like to be hot, a trait she hasn’t given up. As soon as we got there we headed for the children’s rides. Nadine spotted this ride that had little boats that went around in a circle, like a merry-go-round but on water. She decided she wanted to get into the water to cool off. Obviously, that was not an option and so Nadine proceeded to stiffen her body completely, throw herself down in her stroller, and start screaming as if she were actually on fire. No matter what we did, she would not stop howling and pointing in the direction of the little boats. Deloris and I decided to leave, at that point so frazzled we were almost in a panic… and we had only been there 15 minutes! But first… we had to wait for the shuttle to come to carry us back to outer-Mongolia… all the while Nadine shrieked. Finally, the shuttle bus arrived and we scrambled to get the strollers up into the bus. Literally, the instant Nadine was lifted into the air conditioned bus, she immediately stopped screaming, like flipping a switch. Deloris and I just looked at each other like, “Seriously?!” But Nadine had successfully gotten her point across without using actual words.

She did eventually learn to use her words, a fact that Nick, I’m sure, is painfully aware of. And Nadine is pretty concise with her words. She doesn’t like to waste them. Therefore, she means what she says and says what she means. And when she makes up her mind there’s nothing that gets in her way. When she was a teenager, she went on a mission trip with the youth group from church to a Navajo reservation. There were cell phones then, but not like today, so phone calls were not frequent. But she called one day and told me that she had been baptized. She didn’t explain what caused her to make that decision. It was obvious that she had been moved by her experience there. And this just serves as evidence of her authenticity.

Nadine has a genuine and steadfast soul. I actually had bursitis in my hips when Nadine was little because that’s the only place she wanted to be, sitting on my hip. Even as a child, she was devoted and unwavering. She dedicates her heart to those she loves and, when she does, she will never let go. And now she has taken Nick into her heart. Nick has a sense of humor that matches our family’s perfectly.   He has the gentlest soul and treats Nadine with such tenderness that we have already taken him into our hearts as well. All that mothers want for their daughters when they get married is for them to be happy and that their husbands cherish them the way that you do. I feel so blessed knowing that Nick treasures Nadine as much as Nadine treasures him.

So let’s raise our glasses to Nick and Nadine. May you cherish each other now and forever, the way that you are cherished.